my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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