Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
