I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
