cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
