I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
