you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
