i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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