I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
