the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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