I skipped work to stalk him.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
