I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
