I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
