found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's official drugs can't kill me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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