I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
