He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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