A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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