had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
