every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
