This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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