She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
