if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
