They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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