Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
