Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
