Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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