No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
