Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I have aggressive nipples.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
