I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
