I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
