I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
