My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
