Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
