tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
