ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
