Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
