You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Randomize
