So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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