My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
