i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
