I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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