Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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