Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
