i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
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