I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
