Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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