i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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