She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
