The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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