Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
the liver wants what the liver wants
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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