Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
