Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
